Do you suffer?

Of course you do.  We all do.  What I really mean is, "do you allow yourself to suffer?"  Do you allow yourself to feel your emotions?  Superficially?  Or at a deep level?  

I ask because I think most people cry when they watch a sad movie or if someone they know dies, but that's about it.  I don't think too many people allow themselves to feel the full range of their emotions on a daily, hourly, or minutely (I made that up!) basis.

That probably sounds a little crazy to you, to cry on a minute-to-minute basis.  It probably sounds like being owned by your emotions.  I want you to know that it's just the opposite. You are owned by your emotions when you don't express them.  They build up over time and influence everything you do.  If you express them, they are released and have no more influence over you.

The better you get at accessing and expressing your emotions, the more control you have over your life.  You'll have fewer psychological issues and fewer physical problems as well.

I urge you to spend some time today, right now, expressing your emotions.  Your whole life will be better for it.

The emotional toll of racism

Obviously, anything to do with luxury fashion is already dramatically removed from reality, but this is hard to believe.  A Versace outlet store in Pleasanton, California uses a code for any time "a black person entered the store".  Clearly, racism is dead.

Think about that for a minute.  If you're a white person, how would you feel if you walked into a store and heard somebody use a code that you knew meant "a white person is here"?  How would it make you feel just to know that it happens at all?  Think about the added emotional burden that all non-white, non-straight, non-males in this country have to deal with every day of their lives.  If that happened to me, it would be a real struggle for me to stop myself from going over a counter after somebody.  And to know that if I did that, I'd be labeled a thug?  And to know that the next day, when I went to the gas station or the grocery store, it would be the same thing?  It's a burden that's too much to even think about.  And it's a burden that will last until bigotry is stamped out.  As a straight, white, male I consider it my responsibility to do as much stamping as I can.

Shaking the world

Serena Williams is her own person.  That's a good model for anyone.  Is this a cultural post or an emotional post?  Yes.

A very interesting article about the "mind"

As the article points out, defining the "mind" is not an easy task.  The author spoke with Dan Siegel, a professor of psychiatry at UCLA School of Medicine, who came up with a definition:  “the emergent self-organizing process, both embodied and relational, that regulates energy and information flow within and among us.”  That may take a few readings to absorb, but it yields many interesting results.  

The article points out one of the results of that definition:  "This means that without optimal self-organization, you arrive at either chaos or rigidity—a notion that, Siegel says, fits the range of symptoms of mental health disorders."  This is incredibly interesting to me because of my interest in emotions.  I interpret it to mean that if the mind doesn't optimize its own emotional processing systems, the inevitable result will eventually be either "chaos", which, in the extreme, will manifest itself as a thought disorder such as Schizophrenia, or "rigidity", which will lead to an emotionally restricted, shallow life.

The author says, "Finally, self-organization demands linking together differentiated ideas or, essentially, integration. And Siegel says integration—whether that’s within the brain or within society—is the foundation of a healthy mind."  Thich Nhat Hanh talks about the importance of "non-duality", which is essentially the same as being "integrated".  Thich Nhat Hanh also says, "Peace in oneself, peace in the world" and "we are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness", which is taking non-duality to the cultural level.  If accomplished, both the individual and the culture would benefit tremendously.

Finally,  

When Siegel was asked in return whether he belonged in America, his answer was less upbeat: “I thought how isolated we all are and how disconnected we feel,” he says. “In our modern society we have this belief that mind is brain activity and this means the self, which comes from the mind, is separate and we don’t really belong. But we’re all part of each others’ lives. The mind is not just brain activity. When we realize it’s this relational process, there’s this huge shift in this sense of belonging.”

We are all connected.  If you really understand what that quote means, you are well on your way to real health and happiness. 

Someone who really lived his life

Rest in peace, Craig Sager.

Update:  Try to live in a way that inspires this reaction when you die.

The spread of happiness

I've read something more recent than this, but I can't remember where.  Happiness spreads.  Science has verified this.  We are all connected.  Do your part today to disperse some happiness to the world.  Remember, "Peace in oneself, peace in the world".

A world without hate...

...would be wonderful, indeed.

Behaviorally...

"Emotion is a chemical that can either be released through expression or stored through repression."  -Me

Expression and repression are choices we make, in other words, behaviors.  Repression is non-expression.  It is a refusal to express.  Expression takes the energy of emotion and releases it to the world.  Repression takes that same energy and pushes it down inside.

In the very short term, repression can be a helpful emotional tool.  If your boss comes to you and gives you an assignment that you don't like, bursting out in tears is probably not the best solution.  It's probably a pretty good idea, if you wish to remain in the job, to repress that emotion until you get to a place where you can express in private.  And if you do find a place to express in private, then repression is just a handy tool.  The problem comes when repression becomes the main or only tool that is used to handle emotions.

For many people, repression is by far their most commonly used emotional tool.  When their boss gives them that assignment they don't like, they don't go find a place to cry or yell.  They just swallow their sadness or anger.  They push it down inside.  The problem is that there is very real energy tied to emotion.  When they repress their emotions, they are also repressing that energy.  My belief is that the energy gets stored in different locations in our bodies and, in high concentration, is a significant cause of disease.  This is a problem.

The obvious solution is to express.  But most people have difficulty with expressing their emotions.  And expressing in public, for most people, is out of the question.  These difficulties come from a taboo in our culture against expression.  If we want to build healthy lives and a healthy culture, we need to break that taboo.

In my opinion, the best way to break the taboo against expressing our emotions, is to express regularly.  And so I do.  But I recognize that this presents a significant difficulty for most people.  My recommendation is to start connecting to your emotions, even if you can only do so in private.  Find a private place to sit or lay down and try to feel what you have inside.  If you do this regularly, you will forge a strong connection to your emotions and will eventually be able to express them any time you choose.  This is very good for you and for the world.  As Thich Nhat Hanh says, "Peace in oneself, peace in the world".

Yes.

This is something I've wanted to make happen for a long time.  A real way to change the world for the better.  Hat tip to Feelit.  Many thanks to you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Like most holidays, Thanksgiving has some issues.  But it's a good reminder to be appreciative of the good things we have in our life.  Today, I am thankful for my wife and daughter.  I am thankful for my friends (including internet friends!).  I'm thankful for family. I am thankful for my daughter's friends.  I am thankful for her teacher.  I am thankful for always improving emotional health.  I am thankful for good physical health.  I'm thankful for the opportunity for expression that this blog gives me.  And many, many other things as well.  I hope that you have many things you are thankful for in your life.  May you be well.

Biologically...

I read once, and have confirmed over time through experience, that people get more sunlight outside on an overcast day than they do inside on the sunniest day.  If you live in Colorado or southern California, this probably doesn't matter much to you because you get plenty of sun.  But if you live in West Michigan or Seattle or any other place that doesn't get adequate sunlight, this can make a big difference to you.  The reason it's important is because low Vitamin D levels can cause depression.  And Vitamin D comes from the sun.  So if you're prone to depression, and you live in a climate that doesn't give you much sunlight, it is vitally important to get outside, every day.

There you go:  A really simple way to understand something important about your emotions at a biological level.  Now get outside, and smile!

Levels of emotional experience

Emotions are experienced at multiple different levels:  Biologically, behaviorally, and experientially.  I believe that many people think that because their experiences are unique, that makes their emotions about those experiences unique, and therefore, unknowable.  That there's no basis for comparison, so nothing can be learned from, or about, their emotions.  I believe that this is not only wrong, it's also incredibly damaging.  It prevents us from learning about how our emotions work on a biological and a behavioral level.  And there is much to learn about emotions on both the biological and the behavioral level!

I know a lot of people are taking a break from the world right now.

I understand that.  The most important thing we can do is to take good care of ourselves and those we love.  But I hope you will keep at least one eye on events, because things are not looking too good right now.  I've been writing quite a bit at The Weeping Face.  I hope you'll give it a look.

Where does responsibility lie?

This stuff is causing me emotion lately.  I think there are people who can separate themselves from this stuff, saying things like, "It's not a reflection on me."  And there are people who can't, saying "How could it not reflect on me?".  I think the former is more happy and the latter is more honest.  I really, really place value on happiness, but I don't know how to think "It's not a reflection on me" right now.

Take a few minutes to watch the video in the link from "Certain things in our country should disqualify you".  See how those people feel right now.  Does it reflect on you?

Here we go!

No place to start, but at the beginning.

What is an emotion?  Well, there's no easy, agreed-upon answer to that question.  I think the best definition would be something along the lines of, "an emotion is the chemical (hormonal) response that the body has to an emotion-causing event."

I believe there are two options for dealing with emotions:  We can express them or we can repress them.  

Expression of emotion is an action that requires the feeling and releasing of emotional energy.  The word "expression" has become a little problematic because many people believe they are expressing their emotions when they talk about their emotions.  If you are talking about your emotions, you are probably not expressing them because expression usually prevents talking.  If you are filled with anger or shaking with fear, then you are feeling your emotions.  If you move from there to crying, for example, then you are expressing, because crying releases the energy of emotion.

Repression of emotion happens when we do not express the energy of emotion.  I believe that energy is then stored at different locations in the body and is a very large cause of disease.*  There are many reasons for, and ways to, repress emotion.  I intend to speak about these at great length, in due time.

To recap, emotion is a chemical that can either be released through expression or stored through repression.  If you did nothing else in relation to emotions other than understand that last sentence, you would be well on your way to emotional health because that sentence gives you the tools to begin the journey to emotional well-being.  So I should say it again:

Emotion is a chemical that can either be released through expression or stored through repression.

We'll be coming back to that sentence. 



* I have read no studies about what happens to the energy of emotion when it is repressed.  I think an understanding of this process could revolutionize the understanding of disease.  If you ever come across any information on this topic, please, please make me aware of it.  I will be eternally grateful to you.

Where the hell am I?

My desire to get back to writing about emotions on a structural level has been building for a while now.  I want to write about the mechanics of emotions, how they work, because that's how you, the reader, can learn to handle your own emotions.  When I write about how I feel, it's mostly a "that's a great story" situation.  If it's really well-written, it might impact you, but it doesn't give you anything to use in your own life, at least nothing significant.

But how do you write about something so abstract as the mechanics of emotions when the nation is in the midst of such intense upheaval?  There's something very specific to write about!  Donald Trump's presidency scares the H-E-C-K out of most of the people on the planet!  And it should!  There's a lot to write about on that topic.

But when I think more clearly, I remember that we are in this situation because of emotions.  Half the country picked the bully to be on their team because they felt unsafe. That's crazy.  And I mean that in the most literal way.  It's psychotic.  Removed from reality. Because of this, talking about the mechanics of emotions is no longer an abstract concept.  It's something that a great many of us need to know about, right here and right now.

So that's what I'm going to do.  I'm going to use this blog as a means of protest and action.  I'll do my best to speak clearly and honestly about how emotions work, in the hope that it might help create an environment where people feel free to ask for help when they feel afraid, instead of enlisting the help of the school bully.

This shit's gonna get ugly

So what are you going to do?  If people of good conscience spend the next four years complaining about Trump's policies, in four years, he'll get elected again.  Complaining serves no one.  It is time to get our lives organized and prepare ourselves for the coming mess.  And the main thing that people of good conscience can do to prepare themselves is to achieve positive emotional health.

When things start going really poorly, if we're not emotionally prepared, we'll sit back in astonishment and do nothing.  Think about it.  What did you do this past Wednesday morning?  Stare at the wall in astonishment?  That's pretty much what I did.  And if it's not what you did, you're probably either not a person of good conscience, or more likely, you had to go to work.  It's pretty likely that at some point in the next four years, saying, "Oh well, I have to go to work.  No time to think about that" will not be good enough.  We will all be forced to make a decision about who we are.  And if you haven't prepared yourself emotionally for that moment, you might make the wrong decision.  Don't be that person.

"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself" -Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"Playing the clown is not an easy task.  Clowns, I have come to believe, are placed upon the earth solely to fill the needs of others, while running perilously close to 'empty' themselves."  -Flavia de Luce

Flavia is the heroine of a series of kids books by author Alan Bradley, so it's not terribly deep stuff.  But it's well done and this quote gets at an essential truth about human beings.  That is that we have a finite amount of energy and it needs to be refilled on a regular basis.  If it isn't, we put ourselves in danger.

An internet friend of mine from DBB, bugman222, asked this morning, in relation to the U.S. election results,

"How do we even pretend like this is important right now?
I’m trying. I really am. I NEED something like this game to take my mind off all the darkness and uncertainty that is everywhere right now. I’m just not sure I have it in me."

I feel for bugman.  I have been asking myself the same questions this morning.  It's an awful day for our country.  But to try to answer bugman's question, I think we don't even try to pretend like it (basketball) is important.  It's not.  It never was.  It's a game.  I think what we need to do is to recognize that basketball, like a clown, fills us up.  It helps us to be whole so that we can face the horror of the world, no matter what that means.  Our job is to enjoy what it gives us with awareness that we still have to face the horror.  

I believe that too many people in this country walk around every day with unmet needs. They are "perilously close to 'empty'".  When a person does this, it can cause them to feel vulnerable.  Over time, those feelings of vulnerability wear on a person.  Most people look for anything that will make those feelings go away.  I think Donald Trump knows all of this and tapped into those feelings.  All the crazy things he says are designed to cause fear (such as the idea that all Mexican immigrants are rapists).  Then all he has to do is convince people that he'll save them (build a wall) and they flock to him.

By watching basketball, we fill ourselves back up and reduce or remove the need for a person like Trump to save us.  Since the only person we can ever really change is ourself, then this is the definition of responsibility.

Have we ever needed Propagandhi more than we do today?

Connecting the personal with the political since 1986.

This election should cause every single adult in this country to think about who they are.

President Obama has said, “I see a straight line from the announcement of Sarah Palin as the vice-presidential nominee to what we see today in Donald Trump, the emergence of the Freedom Caucus, the tea party, and the shift in the center of gravity for the Republican Party”.  I agree with this, but I don't think it goes far enough.  John McCain is not solely responsible for all of this.  And Hillary Clinton is almost as big a problem as Donald Trump.  We have all allowed this situation to come into being. Every one of us has played a role.  We all have responsibility for creating the circumstances that have allowed these two presidential candidates to be our only options. I hope every American will spend time over the coming weeks, months, and even years thinking about what they could have done differently to help avoid this catastrophe.

Personally, I think back to when George W. Bush was elected president, particularly the second time.  It made me so angry.  I said many things about him that, while perhaps true, still added to the vitriol in the American political scene.  Maybe if I had held my tongue it would have contributed to a healthier emotional climate and Trump and Clinton wouldn't be our candidates today.  And now I wouldn't be put in the position of trying to speak clearly about two candidates who I feel are so poorly qualified to be president, without adding to the nastiness surrounding them.

Everything we do impacts everything else.  Our choices do matter.  I hope this election will help people remember that.

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe."  -John Muir

Let it be over!

Politics, sorta

"If there's a world here in a hundred years, it's going to be saved by tens of millions of little things.  The powers-that-be can break up any big thing they want.  They can corrupt it or co-opt it from the inside, or they can attack it from the outside.  But what are they going to do about ten million little things? They break up two of them, and three more like them spring up!"   

                                                                                           -Pete Seeger

This political season has brought me much pain and despair.  I believe that Hillary Clinton is a really bad presidential candidate.  One whom I would normally go out to vote against. And yet, she is so superior to Donald Trump that I will be voting for her and will be hoping fervently that she wins.  Everything I see about Donald Trump confirms that he is completely unfit to be President of the United States.  

I've come to see his candidacy as a moral problem, not just a political one.  How many times have I heard the saying, "those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it"?  Many, many times is the answer.  Well, I can remember the past.  I've learned about Hitler.  And I have learned about the Japanese internment camps here in the United States as well.  I've learned about slavery and Jim Crow and what happens when people start to believe that a group of people is "less than".  Donald Trump sends up so many red flags for me, I could form my own color guard.  Shoot, I could have my very own parade. There is no reason to believe that a person who acts as he does while running for president will suddenly stop behaving that way when he becomes president.  He won't. He'll probably be worse.  Giving real power to a bully is not a good idea.  This makes me feel that I need to be taking action now, to prevent his presidency.  Not just waiting for it to happen and then claiming to be upset about it.  He's someone who could do real damage to this world.  This can not come to be.

But what can I do?  I can vote.  No problem.  What else?  Uh... uh...  Truly, there are no obvious answers.  So I need to look deeper.  Looking deeper points me in one very clear direction:  His followers.

Who are these people who support him?  What can they be thinking?  If it came out that he's a pedophile and a serial killer, would they change their minds about him? My guess is no, they wouldn't.  It shouldn't surprise you that I think the answer to this problem is emotional.  

Life is hard.  So many awful things happen so often, it's hard not to feel attacked by the world on a regular basis.  Donald Trump's political base is formed by people who feel attacked.  They don't understand why they feel attacked, so they look for an answer that makes sense to them.  And Donald Trump gives them that answer.  It's the "other". Anyone who is different is the cause of their suffering.  This makes them feel united against an enemy and strong in that unity.  It's not relevant that the "other" is no real danger to them.  What's relevant is that they feel attacked and fighting an enemy makes them feel strong and safe again.

When this kind of thinking is so dramatically impacting life at a national level, it becomes a real problem.  Is this what Germany was like during Hitler's rise to power?  Fear giving rise to bigotry, nationalism, violence?  I think it probably was.  

How do we stop something so amorphous as fear?  If you attack a person's fear, it will make them feel more vulnerable, and they will dig in even more.  That's how we got here. It does nothing productive.

It seems like we need to assuage their fear.  But how can that be done?  We've already seen that their fear is baseless.  How do you appease something that is not real?  I believe we need to ignore the actual fear, because it is baseless, and just try to help them feel safe.  This is, obviously, no easy task.  But if we all committed to acting in a compassionate way at all times, we could make an impact on the world.  People with irrational fears are highly changeable.  If we could start to create a more compassionate environment, they won't like it, but they'll still be impacted in a positive way by it.  

I know we're not going to change the outcome of the election at this late date through the use of compassion.  But what happens if he wins?  We'll have the same problem and we'll still have no way to go about fixing it.  This is how to fix it, because it addresses the real problem.  You can talk about the lunacy of building a wall between us and Mexico all you want.  It won't change the outcome.  But if we start to be more compassionate, particularly to the most fearful among us, we'll change our society and remove the conditions that bring people like Donald Trump to power.  

"First they came for the Socialists,
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists,
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak for me."

-Martin Niemöller

A little stopped up...

I have an incredibly strong desire to write about emotional structures.  However, that topic requires a lot of time to be able to write about it clearly and I don't currently have a lot of extra time.  Every day, I think "I want to write!", but nothing happens because I don't have the time to commit to that topic. My blog sits empty, while I have much to say.  I'm going to try to temporarily stop worrying about emotional structures and just start writing again.  I'll get where I need to be soon enough if I just get moving.  So, here I go.  Won't it be interesting to see if I do a good job?  Yes, yes it will.

Be Awesome!

Here's a video about an internet friend of mine from DBB.  Some people bring sickness and cruelty into the world, and some people bring awesome into the world.  When you see this video about Jesse Wareing, you'll know which category he's in.

Be kind. Be compassionate. Be loving.

As a mental health clinician, I worked with people with the most severe and persistent mental illnesses.  These are the people in our society who have suffered the very most. So I've seen far more than my fair share of suffering.

Over the last few years, I've spent a large portion of my time learning everything I can about emotions and emotional health.  

This morning, I heard a story of a person who was raised in circumstances that rival anything I've ever heard.  Despite my years of experience in dealing with these horrific stories and my years of learning how to take good care of my emotional health, I can't shake it.  I've been sitting here for the last few hours, trying to process what I heard, but I can't.  It won't release.  It won't go away.  There's just a hard ache in my chest.  I guess it's going to stay there.  At least for now.

There's so much suffering in the world.  You never know what a person has gone through, or is going through.  Try to be someone who mitigates the damage instead of someone who propagates it.

Connection vs. Expression, Non-Duality, Wholeness

I've been struggling a bit lately and am having a hard time taking a step forward.  I'm doing things, getting things accomplished, but that's about it.  I'm even expressing my emotions fairly well, which has left me a little confused.  Why aren't things getting better if I'm expressing?  I've realized that the reason is because connecting to and prioritizing your soul is different than just expressing your emotions.

I was raised to minimize my soul, to push it down into my pinkie toe and leave it there, permanently.  To walk around as if I was nothing but a giant brain, leaving emotions to lesser beings.  But that's a terrible way to live.  Life is best lived with full awareness, being present in mind, body and soul.  I've made a ton of progress in this, but it's clear that I've slipped lately in regard to my soul.  So I'll be refocusing on bringing my full being to everything I do, not just my mind.  This attempt at non-duality takes a lot of effort, but I've done it before, so I know what to do.  I hope to be whole again soon.

If you were drowning...

Would you rather see this elephant?

Or this presidential candidate?

Why do I have the feeling that these are the actions they'd each take every time they were in that situation?  The elephant would rush in to save a person and the candidate would look on impassively while giving a thumbs up.

Cultural/Emotional issues

This article really upsets me.  No matter how someone feels about the racial issues going on in our country, the idea that shouting racial slurs at kids is a good answer is beyond understanding to me.  They had to call the police!  People were so aggressively shouting racial slurs at twelve year olds that the police had to be called in to keep the peace.  What is wrong with these people?

Actually, I can answer that.  What is wrong with them is that they are feeling attacked. They genuinely didn't understand that American society has always been set up to benefit them.  So now that people are speaking out against that, it feels to them that people are trying to take away their rights and their way of life.  That's not what's happening.  We're just trying to create a more equal society, but it's what they believe is happening.  So they're fighting for what feels to them like their lives.  

But it's not their lives that are the concern here.  It's the lives of every African American. This society needs to allow all of its citizens the rights of "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness", as stated in the Declaration of Independence:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."

I understand feeling attacked and unsafe.  It's miserable.  But it's time for people to recognize that their feelings are their own responsibility.   It's not acceptable to take out their feelings on other people.  And any objective reading of this situation shows that demanding equality in our supposedly great nation is a correct action that every American should support.

Treatment-resistant depression in Baby Boomers is caused by emotional repression

I couldn't convince myself to finish this article because I was too annoyed.  It's talking about Baby Boomers having high rates of treatment-resistant depression and why they think that is.  I believe that Baby Boomers have treatment-resistant depression because they believe that repressing their emotions while meeting responsibilities is a way of life. Virtually every Baby Boomer I've ever met does this.  They think expressing emotions is for people who don't meet their responsibilities, so they are constantly repressing.  That is what makes them treatment-resistant.  No matter how much good happens for them, no matter how effective the treatment, there is a constant source of repressed emotions waiting to make them/keep them depressed.

They don't need better medications.  They don't need more money.  They don't need more consistent medication management.  They need to understand the mechanics of emotions.  That would give them the tools they need to stop being depressed.  They would still need to figure out how to stop believing that repressing is good, but at least they'd have the tools.

This is so wrong

I came across this article, written by a woman who's spent her life dealing with depression.  As a mental health clinician, I've heard these kind of stories many times.  And I've also heard psychiatrists tell people this kind of stuff:  

"I'm not going to "get better." As my psychiatrist has explained, I've had so many major depressive episodes that my brain, without medication, triggers those episodes on its own. In the same way that someone uses insulin to control diabetes or blood thinners to control dangerous clots, the medication helps prevent these episodes from occurring."

The italics is mine.  I added it because that sentence is what doctors are fed by drug reps to get them to prescribe their medications*.  In other words, "there's nothing you can do about it.  It's a biological problem and only medication will fix it."  Except it's NOT a biological problem, it's a psychological problem.  And they know that, so that's why they don't say it's a biological problem straight out.  They say it's like diabetes, so you make the inference that there's nothing that can be done and just take the medicine.

Well, there is something that can be done.  She (and we!) can learn how to process our emotions correctly.  If we do that, even a person who is chronically depressed can overcome it.  Yes, it may take ten years, but so what?  Take the meds in the short term, while learning how to process emotion correctly.  Over time, you'll reduce your dependence on side-effect causing medications and eventually be able to be drug-free and not depressed.  Sounds a lot better than a life time of dependence on a medication that will continue to cause new and terrible side-effects and probably stop working eventually, doesn't it?  Oh, not to mention that meds will never be as effective at helping your mood as processing your emotions will.  It's a no-brainer.  Take care of yourself by learning to process your emotions.


* If I die suspiciously, the drug reps did it!  Seriously, there are so many dollars tied up in making people believe they need anti-depressants, it would make an entirely plausible plot for a made-for-television murder mystery.  Avenge me!

Motivation

I wanted to title this post "Repression vs. Inspiration" because I've not been able to write for a bit and that comes at a time when I'm having a hard time with expressing my emotions.  But when I really thought about it, I'm not really repressing any more.  I'm just filled up.  There's no extra room in the cup that holds my emotions.  I let little bits out and new little bits take their places.  I'm expressing, I'm just not making any progress against all that extra emotion that's inside.

When I thought some more, I realized I'm not really having an inspiration problem either. I've been having ideas.  At one point, I had about ten different tabs open on my browser, each with an article that had sparked an idea I wanted to write about.  I didn't turn my computer off for a week, so as to keep the ideas close at hand.  I eventually realized that I'm still having ideas, but that "umph" I require to write just isn't there right now.

So much for "Repression vs. Inspiration".  I guess "Being over-filled with emotions guts motivation" just doesn't sound that good.  But it is accurate.  I'm hoping that the next couple of weeks will allow me the space to release enough of that extra emotion that I'll become motivated again.  I think that is what will happen.  Since my emotions were preventing me from writing about my emotions, I thought it might be appropriate to write about that.  (Does that sentence amuse you all as much as it does me?)  ENOUGH ALREADY!  Get crying so you can get back to writing!  Okay, I'll try.

Don't give up on me!

Soon!  Soon I'll be back to writing often.

La Russa is the face of threatened Whiteness

Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports wrote a good article about Tony La Russa and Colin Kaepernick.  This is what threatened people do.  They dig in to their positions and they attack.  They do not sit back and think about what they're saying, what they're fighting for or against.  It will never occur to La Russa that he might be wrong.  I know next to nothing about him as a person, but I don't need to.  I've seen it over and over and over again. He'll just keep fighting.  

It's really an emotional issue, because he can't look inside because that would be admitting he might be wrong.  And admitting that would tear him apart.  Don't be one of those people.  Look inside.  It won't really tear you apart.  If you're wrong, like La Russa, handle the emotions that being wrong causes, admit you're wrong, and just move on.  It makes you stronger, not weaker.  Weak is being too scared to admit your mistakes.  Weak is attacking someone else because you feel vulnerable.  Weak is Tony La Russa.

Have these things always happened?

Did I just miss it?  I don't remember this level of sickness existing when I was young.  I don't know how to go about finding out.  But I don't think I even want to.  I feel so bad for this young girl.  I also feel so bad for us as a culture.  Our addiction to avoiding our emotions is tearing us apart.  Be kind to yourself, today and every day.

She starts school tomorrow!

My daughter starts kindergarten tomorrow and I can't really believe it.  I'll probably be crying my eyes out around 8:30 am, so send good thoughts and feelings my way if you can.  Thanks.

Update:  I survived!  She loved it.  All is well.

Kindness Matters

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."  -Margaret Mead

Congratulations to these kids.  They are well on their way.

Fear

The big secret in American society is that most of the "issues" that get talked about aren't real. I don't mean that abortions don't happen or immigrants don't exist.  I mean that the real "issue" is fear.  Nearly every political argument can be looked at from the perspective of fear.  "Whose fear is controlling this argument?"

The first answer to that question is usually obvious.  For example, immigrants are at the foundation of this country.  They add to the richness of our culture and do nothing, as a group, to harm our society.  But they've become a political topic.  Why?  Well, we know that the real reason is that they are a tool that is used to get the political base active.  But why is that effective?  It's effective because people are commonly afraid of people and things that are outside their understanding.  Immigrants, obviously, come from somewhere else, making them different and hard for some people to understand.  Therefore, people are afraid of immigrants, and politicians work actively to keep those fears alive. Immigration is an issue because of fear.

If you look long enough, you can find the fear in nearly any political issue.  It's usually not even slightly difficult, because most of the issues are only issues because they make effective tools for politicians.  If you find an issue that doesn't seem to revolve around fear, look again.  You'll probably find it.  If you don't, you may have something worth really looking at.  Instead of a political tool, your issue may have real importance.  Of course, because it doesn't have enough fear to make it an effective political tool, it will probably never be discussed.  But at least you'd know you've found a real issue.

Fear is one of those issues that is layered.  The first answer to "whose fear is controlling this argument?" is "the people who allow themselves to be manipulated by politicians into believing ________."  But the second answer is a bit trickier.  The second answer is usually "anyone involved in the argument."  That can be hard to hear, huh?  But it's true. If you look deep enough, you'll find that opposition to an argument that uses fear as a political tool is also based in fear.  Otherwise, why would we respond to a political tool? By responding, we're being manipulated.  And if the people who are originally being manipulated didn't have anyone to argue with, what would happen?  The arguments would die and the politicians would no longer be able to use those topics as tools.

Which leads to the obvious conclusion:  If we're talking politics, the first thing we should do is look for our fear.  If we find that, then our discussions can change.  We can talk about how we feel about a topic instead of yelling at the opposition.  We can talk about manipulation and how our political process works instead of vilifying our political counterpart. If those type of changes take place, if we come at life from a place of connection to our emotions, our world will be much different, and much better.

Life lesson from sports

On DBB, one of my internet friends, BandWagonerPaysTheDues, said this in the comment section about the Australian Men's Olympic basketball team's goal to win a gold medal, 

"Nothing wrong with having a goal
I can understand that it might seem crazy to anyone without the same goal. But remember that 30 for 30 about Pitino and how he had his college team practice lifting each other up to cut the net in celebration of a fantasy NCAA championship that they eventually won in real life? I get chills every time at the thought of it. Your mind has to be all the way in it to win on an elite level. You actually have to practice winning and have it the belief deep down in your heart. This is so much of why basketball has my attention; you can learn so much from these athletes and their mindsets which will apply to your own life. Respect, Team Australia!"

I really liked it.  It inspired me to again think about how sports and real life intertwine.  You have to be truly committed to anything you want to succeed at in life.  And part of that commitment is envisioning what a successful outcome will look like and what it will feel like.  
I think we sometimes block ourselves at an emotional level from achieving success.  I'm actually sort of doing that right now.  We're supposed to be getting a full replacement soon for something we own because it's under warranty and is falling apart.  This thing has lots of financial value.  Because of that, I can't quite seem to let myself believe we're actually going to get a new one, free of charge.  Intellectually, I'm excited, but emotionally, I'm completely blocked from it.  No emotion at all.  Fortunately, my emotional state has nothing to do with whether we get it or not.  If it did, I assure you that I would tighten up at the critical moment and we wouldn't win.  Usually I handle these things much better than this, but that's not the point.  The point is that being emotionally connected to a successful outcome can be the determining factor in success.  

So if you've got something important to achieve, take it from BandWagonerPaysTheDues and basketball and let yourself feel what success will be like, even before you start.

Ever felt cabin fever?

"We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness."                                                                                              -Thich Nhat Hanh

Cabin fever is really an emotional issue.  You feel cooped up.  You need to get out and feel expansive and connect to the Earth.  If you spent your whole life in a concrete pool that is only a little bit larger than yourself, it would drive you bonkers.  Literally bonkers.  I hope to see this practice end soon.  I think this image highlights what's important to a place like Sea World.  I've never been there.  I will never go there.  And I hope you won't either.  Don't give your money to a place that harms others, especially when it is so easy not to.  I think zoos will be next on the list.  I think eventually, damaged animals will be kept in animal sanctuaries that will place the animals' welfare above making money.  And undamaged animals will be left in the wild.  I've been in the process of changing my behavior to reflect this.  I will no longer be supporting places that prioritize money over animal welfare.

Secondarily, if you support the notion that Human emotions are important and need to be taken care of, you must recognize that animals also have emotions that need to be taken care of.  It goes the other way too.  If you can recognize that Orcas should be left in the wild (partially because of the impact of captivity on their mental health), it follows logically that Humans have emotions that should be valued and cared for as well.  It's one big circle.  If we take good care of our emotions, it frees us to turn outward and take good care of others, such as Orcas, or homeless people, or any vulnerable population.  And the act of supporting others helps us with our own emotions.  Round and round we go.  But you have to choose to step into that structure and you do that by deciding to take good care of yourself first.  Please do that.

Sorry for the recent slow down

Hello dear readers.  I do apologize for the recent slow down in posts here on Emotion Colored Glasses.  My daughter starts kindergarten in a few weeks, so I've been really focused on spending time with her for the last little while.  This may or may not continue for the rest of the summer, but if it does, I will be right back at it after school starts.  I'll trust that you understand.

I spent the morning with her at the park and just now we watched this video together. Enjoy.  She sure did.  :)

The Anatomy of Peace

If you're interested in internal peace, I have a book for you.  It's called The Anatomy of Peace.  It's fantastic.  And it's easy to read.  It's not like a textbook.  I read it easily in two days.  It was recommended to me by my friend from DBB, revken.  I just finished my library copy and have already ordered it off the internet, so that I can read it again and again in the future.  I highly recommend it.  If you don't want to buy it, you can probably get it from your local library too.  Go get it.  You'll thank me if you do.  

Imagine if they were actually outside!

This article discusses a recent study that shows that inmates in maximum security prisons are less violent if they watch videos of nature.  Nature is incredibly healing.  If they could get those inmates actually out among the trees, the results would be even stronger.

They're gettin' there!

This is a nice article about emotions and empathy in animals.  

"We still don't know how many animals can actually empathize. But the mounting studies suggest there's a fundamental baseline, at least among mammals. "When we're talking about the ability to sense the emotion of others, and to respond to them in some way, that's probably very widespread," (James) Burkett, (a neuroscience researcher at Emory) says."

The article also quotes Burkett as saying, "We know that there are many psychiatric disorders where the ability to empathize is deficient," he says, "but we have no treatment for those deficiencies."  But that's because science comes at it from a biological standpoint instead of a behavioral standpoint.  With enough time and resources, people who are empathetically deficient could learn to empathize through guided practice.

Ya think?

As a mental health clinician, it's hard for me to know if people really don't know this. Really?  People didn't know he's narcissistic?  Anti-social?  Really?  Okay then.  Let's be clear.  Donald Trump is a sick man, with real mental health problems.  You should not vote for him for president.  Hopefully that is clear enough.

My main bug said something important

"Democracy can be great

but in order for it to work well it relies on a large percentage of the populace being well informed about all the issues and rational enough that they are willing to change their position when they are presented evidence against what they currently believe. So, yeah, democracy is doomed.

The days of me not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.

by bugman222 on Aug 1, 2016 | 10:39 PM up reply  rec  flag"

         

The above comment from bugman on Detroit Bad Boys is part of a thread where people are discussing democracy and the current election cycle.  As usual, DBB has many interesting things to say.  But bugman's comment really hit the mark for me in terms of what is wrong with our democracy.  It also opened up an idea that I wanted to address further.  That is the part about the populace needing to be "rational enough that they are willing to change their position when they are presented evidence against what they currently believe.  So, yeah, democracy is doomed."  Bugman is usually more optimistic than this, but I think he's right on point here.  We do have a problem.  People are not willing to change their positions any more, even in the face of overwhelming evidence. Why is this?  Are people less smart than they used to be?  Maybe, but I doubt that's the problem.  I think the problem is that they are more "dug-in" to their positions.  And what causes people to dig in to their positions is feeling vulnerable.  So, for example, Trump uses fear of immigrants, minorities, other religions, etc. to fuel people's insecurities. Those people feel the fear and respond by digging in to their positions, even though they have nothing to fear and their positions make no sense.  Trump keeps banging the fear drum, his followers stay afraid and entrenched.  And we've now arrived at bugman's comment: people unwilling to change their position.

So, in my opinion, the way to have a chance at getting through to those people is to help them feel secure.  If they were less afraid, they might be able to look more rationally at their opinions and make better decisions.  

Thanks to bugman for the inspiration and DBB for the conversation.

More about structures

When I started Emotion Colored Glasses, one of the main things I wanted to do was to write about what I call "emotional structures".  Structures are patterns through which we process emotion that are different from the normal, healthy way.  For example, if a person feels guilty for feeling happy, that's a structure.  Most people would just feel happy. Structures have a gigantic impact on how we live our lives, so I feel they're really important to discuss.  However, I've found that the easiest way to discuss them is with examples.  And of course, all my best examples come from myself, my family, or my friends.  "Hey!  This is what my friend does.  Isn't that stupid?"  It just doesn't work too well. So I've found myself gravitating toward easier to describe concepts.  But now I'm at the point where I realize it's time to figure it out, so here I am.  Please bear with me.

Everyone has structures.  It would be virtually impossible not to.  We pick them up from our experiences, our families, and our culture.  Most people think, "that's just the way I am".  And for many people, that's fine.  Their structures may not harm them enough to be problematic.  Great.  They can just keep on keepin' on.  But for others, these structures can really inhibit happiness.  The good news is that with hard work, these structures can be removed.  I've done it.  Many times.  And I've helped others do it too.  So I know it's possible.

The first step is to learn to see the structures.  My future posts on structures will largely be about recognizing them, so we'll deal with that later.  The second step is to deconstruct how the specific structure works.  The third step is to remove the structure by replacing the "incorrect" choice with a "correct" one.  And the final step is to repeat, repeat, repeat.

To take the example from above, if a person feels guilty for feeling happy, what's really going on?  Well, first off, something causes happiness.  But then something tells the person that she or he shouldn't feel happy.  What is it?  A religious belief?  That's pretty common.  Or maybe someone they care about has died, so that person can't be happy anymore, causing the first person to feel guilty.  I've heard of that sort of thing.  The point is, whatever the reason, the person has to decide if they want to believe that structure any more.  If they've got to the point of exploring it, they probably don't.  So that person needs to replace the problematic way of thinking with a healthier way.  "No.  It's not my fault my friend died.  If he were here, he'd want me to be happy.  Feeling guilty for being happy serves no one.  I will consciously fix this every time it happens."  At that point, it's all about increasing the person's awareness of when the structure is happening.  "Oh!  I'm feeling guilty for feeling happy again.  I figured this out.  I'm not going to think or feel this way any more."  With enough repetition, any structure can be defeated in this way.

So, from now on, I'll be writing about different structures I know about or come across, with the intent being to bring these structures into awareness for all of us.  I'll also try to link back to this post, so the deconstructing instructions will always be easily accessible. Hopefully, over time, we can all walk the path to emotional health by removing our unhealthy structures.  Good luck!

The cart before the horse

In this article, the author talks about a new study that discusses why schizophrenia starts during the teen-age years.  The abstract from the study discusses how they studied teen brain development and then says, "we argue that developmental variation of this consolidation process may be relevant both to normal cognitive and behavioral changes and the high incidence of schizophrenia during human brain adolescence."  My reading of this is that they believe brain changes during adolescence lead to schizophrenia.

Just like with the article on ADHD that I wrote about recently, I believe science is coming to understand the biological mechanics of schizophrenia, but misunderstanding the cause. I believe that stresses during adolescence, combined with poor adaptive/emotional skills and possibly a genetic pre-disposition, cause the brain changes which cause schizophrenia.  I do not believe that biological variance causes schizophrenia.  

My hope is that science will eventually start investigating emotions and emotional health as a very common cause for disease.

Link: Chad Novak

This is an interesting article.  Chad Novak, a life-counselor, yoga instructor and spiritual facilitator is organizing a retreat in Ludington, Michigan to help men start their spiritual journey.  I spoke with him in an e-mail exchange about his plans.  "What I'm looking to create here is a starting point for men to start to go inside in a safe and explorative environment."  He said that he's noticed a quite a difference between men and women in how open they are to their emotions, something I've absolutely noticed as well.  

"During the retreat we will be exploring how we're showing up in the world. What patterns have been reoccurring throughout our lives and finding the common thread within ourselves."  I think this is really important.  I wrote a blog post a while back about the West-African Adinkra symbol, Sankofa, which means, "return and pick it up", referring to those patterns.  And, from an emotional mechanics point of view, I think those patterns are what I call "emotional structures".  Ways that we interact with our emotions that differ from the normal, healthy approach.  When we can identify those structures, we regain the ability to set our own course in life.  Focusing on these patterns in a retreat is a great idea.

He also said, "One of the biggest things that we will be talking about is how to face your pain and suffering without running away from it."  If you know someone who doesn't struggle with this, I'd like to talk to that person.  And I'm not talking about people who just ignore their internal struggles.  My grandmother has told me many times how my grandfather used to tell her, "just face it.  Whatever it is, face it."  That's been a great source of inspiration to me, throughout my adult life.  To know that Chad will be working with people to help them face their pain inspires me too.

If you are interested in attending his retreat, his contact information is at the end of the article I linked to at the top.  From the article and my conversation with Chad, I believe he really understands these issues and I think his retreat will be a great experience.  You should check it out.

Quote: Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." 

ADHD study

A new study from the University of Toronto concludes, "Women with ADHD are much more likely to have a wide range of mental and physical health problems in comparison to women without ADHD."  

I believe strongly that ADHD is a behavioral disorder, not a bio-chemical disorder. Doctors will say that they can measure chemical changes in the brains of people with ADHD and that proves it is a bio-chemical disorder.  I believe that behavioral differences in people with ADHD cause changes in their brains, which cause ADHD.  So, yes, I believe doctors can measure the chemical changes in the brain.  I just don't think those changes start in the brain.  They start with behavior.  

I believe that people with ADHD are disconnected from their emotions.  If they were to learn, over time, how to express their emotions in direct connection with the events that caused those emotions, I believe their symptoms would subside.

The study says, "The prevalence of mental illness among women with ADHD was disturbingly high with 46% having seriously considered suicide, 36% having generalized anxiety disorder, 31% having major depressive disorder and 39% having substance abuse problems at some point in their life".  All of these are to be expected in people who do not correctly express their emotions.

The answer is for people everywhere to learn how to correctly express their emotions.  If that were to happen, this is just one of many diseases that could be eradicated. Obviously, that is a difficult goal to achieve.  I believe if we start educating people now, maybe thirty or forty years from now there will be significant change on a cultural level. So spread the word.  Let people know that healthy emotions lead to healthy people.  And be a role model.  Teach yourself how to express correctly.  Your children and your children's children will thank you for it.

Continuation of a conversation from DBB

"I've decided to take up killing everyone who disagrees with me

That seems to be the most popular approach lately, and it also has a long and distinguished history.
by revken

I'm not thinking you'll be very good at this.

by Merwinly 

Yeah, you're probably right ...
I’m not even very good at killing people in video games.
I’m hoping that same day we’ll realize that trying to police the world isn’t the answer, either. But it’s a persistent human problem that we struggle to stay engaged without also trying to be in control.
by revken"

Since many of my readers won't know rev, I'll start by saying he's not really going to "take up killing everyone".  He's as likely to do that as I am, I'd say.  And also, he probably already understands everything I'll say below, but I wanted to say what I had to say.

Rev, I wanted to address your last two lines, but DBB wasn't the appropriate place, so here goes.

"I’m hoping that same day we’ll realize that trying to police the world isn’t the answer, either. But it’s a persistent human problem that we struggle to stay engaged without also trying to be in control."

Why do people try to control things?  The answer is usually because they feel out of control.  They "feel" out of control.  And, until mastered, that's a bad feeling.  One of our jobs in life is to learn how to be comfortable with not being in control.  When we do that, it gives us the ability to engage without controlling.

The Buddhists have a saying, "taking refuge in the present moment".  That's how I've learned to cope with feeling out of control.  I take refuge in the present moment.  I sit and refuse to think about the past or the future.  I recognize how wonderful I feel in the present moment.  I usually still "feel" unpleasantly out of control, but it allows me to not react to those feelings.  "No.  I'm okay.  Stay present" is a common mantra for me.

So, if people could learn to be okay with feeling out of control, that would free them to engage without controlling.  And then the world would be a better place.

Thoughts, good rev (or others)?  You can email me if that's easier than commenting: merwinly@gmail.com

Thanks for reading.

Focus on the soul alive

"You gotta know that some people are soul dead;  they will never hear.  They have no ability to do anything but promote evil.  If I can say one thing to you, focus your energy on those who can hear."  -from Yearning Wild by R. Glendon Brunk

A silver lining to the Trump presidential candidacy is that it puts all the "soul dead" people into one group:  Trump supporters.  We can recognize that they will never hear and move on.  The problem is that it is incredibly difficult to move on when you hear all the vile filth they spill forth into the world.  I believe the racial violence we've been experiencing is exacerbated by his candidacy.  How do you ignore that?  I think that the answer is a national recognition of the concepts from the Brunk quote above and a commitment from people of conscience to continual national improvement in regard to these issues.  What does that mean in practice?  It means that we purposely move the national discussion past the bigots.  We have to start discussing the ways we can improve the country and the world and stop engaging their sickness.  Engaging them makes them stronger.  They have no intention of stopping their bigotry.  "Oh!  I'm a racist!  I never knew.  I'll stop now." Right.  That's not going to happen.  And if you've engaged enough bigots you know that's true.  If we ignore them long enough, they'll have no platform for their sickness.  So, we move past them and we work together to make this a better place.

That does leave another problem though.  That problem is the need to constantly remind the oppressed that we are ignoring the bigots, not because we're okay with what they're saying, but because we don't want to engage their sickness.  I think if this were made explicit somehow, perhaps the president could speak about it, and it could become part of our collective consciousness, then we might be all right.  Good people everywhere could just ignore the bigots and look for solutions to our problems.  

I know it sounds pie-in-the-sky, but engaging bigots only results in more bigotry.  The Trump candidacy makes that clear.  Let's make America great by leaving them behind.

He has autism

and she has kindness.  It's not really that hard, but most of us struggle with it.  Mrs. Clarkson gets an A+.

That which makes Pop a master human being is also what makes him a master coach

It's fifteen minutes, so I understand not having the time to watch it.  But the point is that being able to connect deeply to your emotions makes a strong person.  Once you have that skill, it is what can put you over the top in anything you choose to do.  And it's clear to everyone that Gregg Popovich is a master basketball coach.  But it's clear to me that he's also a master human being.  Congratulations to him on both counts.

I've updated my "Welcome" tab with a link to my new blog, The Weeping Face.  At this new blog I intend to write about cultural issues when I don't feel the need to address emotion. So I'll probably top out at three posts, total.  That's a joke.  You can laugh.  

Emotion Colored Glasses will continue to be my primary blog, so don't forget about it!

Depression

If you ask a medical doctor what depression is, most will tell you that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain.  I would argue that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain that is usually caused by a specific set of behaviors.

Most people repress the vast majority of their emotions.  After they've done that long enough, those repressed emotions start leaking out all over the place.  They have to go somewhere.  Many people take those leaking emotions and direct them at other people. The people who do this are not usually very pleasant to be around.  Angry, unpredictable, and mean-spirited is how they usually are.  A lot of people refuse this path however.  They push those leaking emotions down even harder, so that they won't leak out onto others. This is a noble sentiment.  But it's also a common cause of depression.  Those emotions junk up the emotional processing system, leaving the person with a ton of emotion inside and no way to get it out.  

For those people, there is good news.  Your depression is completely curable.  But, of course, there is also bad news.  The bad news is that it will take a lot of work.  All you need to do is get your emotional processing system working again.  To do this, cry every day.  Some days, cry all day.  It might take years.  I know.  That sounds ridiculous.  How am I supposed to live if I cry all the time?  Right?  I understand, but ask yourself this:  Am I really living now?  My guess is that you are not.  If not, the sooner the better.  

Eventually, after you've become an expert on crying, your awareness about your emotions will start to really develop.  You'll feel your emotions as soon as they occur and you'll express them right away also.  And if something prevents you from expressing right away, you'll be angry about it.  And then you'll have to learn how to handle that too.  But you'll do it.  And, over time, you'll become a person who has emotions instead of a person who is dominated by their emotions.  And, from personal experience, I can tell you that that is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

Good luck to you.