More about structures

When I started Emotion Colored Glasses, one of the main things I wanted to do was to write about what I call "emotional structures".  Structures are patterns through which we process emotion that are different from the normal, healthy way.  For example, if a person feels guilty for feeling happy, that's a structure.  Most people would just feel happy. Structures have a gigantic impact on how we live our lives, so I feel they're really important to discuss.  However, I've found that the easiest way to discuss them is with examples.  And of course, all my best examples come from myself, my family, or my friends.  "Hey!  This is what my friend does.  Isn't that stupid?"  It just doesn't work too well. So I've found myself gravitating toward easier to describe concepts.  But now I'm at the point where I realize it's time to figure it out, so here I am.  Please bear with me.

Everyone has structures.  It would be virtually impossible not to.  We pick them up from our experiences, our families, and our culture.  Most people think, "that's just the way I am".  And for many people, that's fine.  Their structures may not harm them enough to be problematic.  Great.  They can just keep on keepin' on.  But for others, these structures can really inhibit happiness.  The good news is that with hard work, these structures can be removed.  I've done it.  Many times.  And I've helped others do it too.  So I know it's possible.

The first step is to learn to see the structures.  My future posts on structures will largely be about recognizing them, so we'll deal with that later.  The second step is to deconstruct how the specific structure works.  The third step is to remove the structure by replacing the "incorrect" choice with a "correct" one.  And the final step is to repeat, repeat, repeat.

To take the example from above, if a person feels guilty for feeling happy, what's really going on?  Well, first off, something causes happiness.  But then something tells the person that she or he shouldn't feel happy.  What is it?  A religious belief?  That's pretty common.  Or maybe someone they care about has died, so that person can't be happy anymore, causing the first person to feel guilty.  I've heard of that sort of thing.  The point is, whatever the reason, the person has to decide if they want to believe that structure any more.  If they've got to the point of exploring it, they probably don't.  So that person needs to replace the problematic way of thinking with a healthier way.  "No.  It's not my fault my friend died.  If he were here, he'd want me to be happy.  Feeling guilty for being happy serves no one.  I will consciously fix this every time it happens."  At that point, it's all about increasing the person's awareness of when the structure is happening.  "Oh!  I'm feeling guilty for feeling happy again.  I figured this out.  I'm not going to think or feel this way any more."  With enough repetition, any structure can be defeated in this way.

So, from now on, I'll be writing about different structures I know about or come across, with the intent being to bring these structures into awareness for all of us.  I'll also try to link back to this post, so the deconstructing instructions will always be easily accessible. Hopefully, over time, we can all walk the path to emotional health by removing our unhealthy structures.  Good luck!