Emotional Structures

(I've already written this post, but somehow, lost it.  So, if this one is somewhat less inspired, stay with me.  I'll be better.)

In the Emotional Mechanics post, I referred to deviations away from a healthy emotional pattern.  I call those deviations "structures" because they are built on top of the normal healthy pattern.  In general, we start off as kids with the healthy pattern.  But then something, usually trauma, causes us to start responding differently to situations.  I think when we're young, these behaviors are defense mechanisms against difficult environments that we can't control.  As we get older, we gain the ability to have say over our own life and therefore, don't have to be subject to the difficult environments.  But most of us don't realize that we can ditch these defense mechanisms and gain health, so we continue using these structures.  What may have saved us pain as a child, causes us pain as an adult.  For example, as a response to a habitually angry parent, a child learns to please everyone in every situation.  This may mollify the angry parent, saving the child some pain, but when the child becomes an adult, he/she won't know how to meet their own needs because they have spent their entire childhood focused on their angry parent. Even worse, without purposeful intervention, that person will continue to just be a people-pleaser throughout their life, never learning how to meet their own needs.  So this isn't just someone who's 18 years old and has to start from scratch in learning how to live. This is someone who will likely spend their entire life doing it wrong.

Of course, with a little understanding and hard work, that structure can be removed from a person's life and they can learn to be healthy and happy.