My Emotional Porn

Ewwww.  I really do need to change that.  

You all are just going to have to accept that I emote (usually cry) a lot.  If I'm going to write a blog about emotions, it needs to be known that I'm not scared of them.  And I'm not.  So there it is.  

The reason it's important is because we've been taught not to emote.  Not emoting doesn't work.  We need to release the energy of emotion as it happens, so that it doesn't build up and bog down our emotional processing system.  So, most of the time, when something happens to me that causes emotion, I purposely allow that emotion to come out.  But, like everybody, I'm not perfect.  Sometimes I just feel pent-up.  I have a need to release emotion that isn't connected to any event.  There are many ways to do that, but the one I'm writing about is emotional porn.  Using something other than the original cause to release the energy of emotion.  My best source of emotional porn is anything that triggers feelings of abandonment.  I clearly have not fully resolved being emotionally abandoned as a child.  So, when I watch a movie where a character is emotionally abandoned, it will usually make me cry.  Or wail.  I used to feel really stupid about that.  And then I realized that I was feeling stupid for feeling abandoned.  And that was really dumb, because I obviously would not have chosen that if I had any say in the matter.  So now I just cry and don't worry about it.  Either way, it helps me to release pent-up emotional energy.  After crying, I feel better.  And then I move on, no longer carrying the burden of bad feelings.  Or at least, that burden is not so heavy.