Expression/Event Link

In the post on emotional porn, I said that connecting our emotions to the event that caused them will help remove us from the emotional porn cycle.  This is one of the most important things I have learned about emotions:  The energy of emotion stays in our systems until we resolve that emotion.  So we can either express/resolve our emotions, or we can be dominated by them.  If we express them as they occur, then they come in, we express them, and we move on.  They have no more impact on our life than do our thoughts or our actions.  They are just one part of a healthy whole.

But if we ignore them, they plug up our emotional system and then everything goes haywire.  At that point, engaging the emotional porn cycle is a very common outcome. That's when we see drama become the centerpiece of a person's life.  And that's no good.

If we wish to stay/become healthy, aligning our emotional expression with the events that cause our emotions is key.  So, the way to do that is to express as soon as there is an emotion to express.  Something upsetting happens, you express about it, and then move on.  Obviously, this model presents some difficulties.  If you start crying every time your boss hands you a little more responsibility than you really want, it might not go so well. The good news is that it's fine to push that emotion down in the short run and wait to express it until an appropriate time.  As long as you maintain your awareness of what the bad feelings inside are connected to, there will be no problem when you get to the point of actually expressing it.

So, to recap, if you are able to link your emotional expression to the event that caused it, you are likely to maintain a healthy emotional system.