Fear

The big secret in American society is that most of the "issues" that get talked about aren't real. I don't mean that abortions don't happen or immigrants don't exist.  I mean that the real "issue" is fear.  Nearly every political argument can be looked at from the perspective of fear.  "Whose fear is controlling this argument?"

The first answer to that question is usually obvious.  For example, immigrants are at the foundation of this country.  They add to the richness of our culture and do nothing, as a group, to harm our society.  But they've become a political topic.  Why?  Well, we know that the real reason is that they are a tool that is used to get the political base active.  But why is that effective?  It's effective because people are commonly afraid of people and things that are outside their understanding.  Immigrants, obviously, come from somewhere else, making them different and hard for some people to understand.  Therefore, people are afraid of immigrants, and politicians work actively to keep those fears alive. Immigration is an issue because of fear.

If you look long enough, you can find the fear in nearly any political issue.  It's usually not even slightly difficult, because most of the issues are only issues because they make effective tools for politicians.  If you find an issue that doesn't seem to revolve around fear, look again.  You'll probably find it.  If you don't, you may have something worth really looking at.  Instead of a political tool, your issue may have real importance.  Of course, because it doesn't have enough fear to make it an effective political tool, it will probably never be discussed.  But at least you'd know you've found a real issue.

Fear is one of those issues that is layered.  The first answer to "whose fear is controlling this argument?" is "the people who allow themselves to be manipulated by politicians into believing ________."  But the second answer is a bit trickier.  The second answer is usually "anyone involved in the argument."  That can be hard to hear, huh?  But it's true. If you look deep enough, you'll find that opposition to an argument that uses fear as a political tool is also based in fear.  Otherwise, why would we respond to a political tool? By responding, we're being manipulated.  And if the people who are originally being manipulated didn't have anyone to argue with, what would happen?  The arguments would die and the politicians would no longer be able to use those topics as tools.

Which leads to the obvious conclusion:  If we're talking politics, the first thing we should do is look for our fear.  If we find that, then our discussions can change.  We can talk about how we feel about a topic instead of yelling at the opposition.  We can talk about manipulation and how our political process works instead of vilifying our political counterpart. If those type of changes take place, if we come at life from a place of connection to our emotions, our world will be much different, and much better.

Life lesson from sports

On DBB, one of my internet friends, BandWagonerPaysTheDues, said this in the comment section about the Australian Men's Olympic basketball team's goal to win a gold medal, 

"Nothing wrong with having a goal
I can understand that it might seem crazy to anyone without the same goal. But remember that 30 for 30 about Pitino and how he had his college team practice lifting each other up to cut the net in celebration of a fantasy NCAA championship that they eventually won in real life? I get chills every time at the thought of it. Your mind has to be all the way in it to win on an elite level. You actually have to practice winning and have it the belief deep down in your heart. This is so much of why basketball has my attention; you can learn so much from these athletes and their mindsets which will apply to your own life. Respect, Team Australia!"

I really liked it.  It inspired me to again think about how sports and real life intertwine.  You have to be truly committed to anything you want to succeed at in life.  And part of that commitment is envisioning what a successful outcome will look like and what it will feel like.  
I think we sometimes block ourselves at an emotional level from achieving success.  I'm actually sort of doing that right now.  We're supposed to be getting a full replacement soon for something we own because it's under warranty and is falling apart.  This thing has lots of financial value.  Because of that, I can't quite seem to let myself believe we're actually going to get a new one, free of charge.  Intellectually, I'm excited, but emotionally, I'm completely blocked from it.  No emotion at all.  Fortunately, my emotional state has nothing to do with whether we get it or not.  If it did, I assure you that I would tighten up at the critical moment and we wouldn't win.  Usually I handle these things much better than this, but that's not the point.  The point is that being emotionally connected to a successful outcome can be the determining factor in success.  

So if you've got something important to achieve, take it from BandWagonerPaysTheDues and basketball and let yourself feel what success will be like, even before you start.

Ever felt cabin fever?

"We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness."                                                                                              -Thich Nhat Hanh

Cabin fever is really an emotional issue.  You feel cooped up.  You need to get out and feel expansive and connect to the Earth.  If you spent your whole life in a concrete pool that is only a little bit larger than yourself, it would drive you bonkers.  Literally bonkers.  I hope to see this practice end soon.  I think this image highlights what's important to a place like Sea World.  I've never been there.  I will never go there.  And I hope you won't either.  Don't give your money to a place that harms others, especially when it is so easy not to.  I think zoos will be next on the list.  I think eventually, damaged animals will be kept in animal sanctuaries that will place the animals' welfare above making money.  And undamaged animals will be left in the wild.  I've been in the process of changing my behavior to reflect this.  I will no longer be supporting places that prioritize money over animal welfare.

Secondarily, if you support the notion that Human emotions are important and need to be taken care of, you must recognize that animals also have emotions that need to be taken care of.  It goes the other way too.  If you can recognize that Orcas should be left in the wild (partially because of the impact of captivity on their mental health), it follows logically that Humans have emotions that should be valued and cared for as well.  It's one big circle.  If we take good care of our emotions, it frees us to turn outward and take good care of others, such as Orcas, or homeless people, or any vulnerable population.  And the act of supporting others helps us with our own emotions.  Round and round we go.  But you have to choose to step into that structure and you do that by deciding to take good care of yourself first.  Please do that.

Sorry for the recent slow down

Hello dear readers.  I do apologize for the recent slow down in posts here on Emotion Colored Glasses.  My daughter starts kindergarten in a few weeks, so I've been really focused on spending time with her for the last little while.  This may or may not continue for the rest of the summer, but if it does, I will be right back at it after school starts.  I'll trust that you understand.

I spent the morning with her at the park and just now we watched this video together. Enjoy.  She sure did.  :)

The Anatomy of Peace

If you're interested in internal peace, I have a book for you.  It's called The Anatomy of Peace.  It's fantastic.  And it's easy to read.  It's not like a textbook.  I read it easily in two days.  It was recommended to me by my friend from DBB, revken.  I just finished my library copy and have already ordered it off the internet, so that I can read it again and again in the future.  I highly recommend it.  If you don't want to buy it, you can probably get it from your local library too.  Go get it.  You'll thank me if you do.  

Imagine if they were actually outside!

This article discusses a recent study that shows that inmates in maximum security prisons are less violent if they watch videos of nature.  Nature is incredibly healing.  If they could get those inmates actually out among the trees, the results would be even stronger.

They're gettin' there!

This is a nice article about emotions and empathy in animals.  

"We still don't know how many animals can actually empathize. But the mounting studies suggest there's a fundamental baseline, at least among mammals. "When we're talking about the ability to sense the emotion of others, and to respond to them in some way, that's probably very widespread," (James) Burkett, (a neuroscience researcher at Emory) says."

The article also quotes Burkett as saying, "We know that there are many psychiatric disorders where the ability to empathize is deficient," he says, "but we have no treatment for those deficiencies."  But that's because science comes at it from a biological standpoint instead of a behavioral standpoint.  With enough time and resources, people who are empathetically deficient could learn to empathize through guided practice.

Ya think?

As a mental health clinician, it's hard for me to know if people really don't know this. Really?  People didn't know he's narcissistic?  Anti-social?  Really?  Okay then.  Let's be clear.  Donald Trump is a sick man, with real mental health problems.  You should not vote for him for president.  Hopefully that is clear enough.

My main bug said something important

"Democracy can be great

but in order for it to work well it relies on a large percentage of the populace being well informed about all the issues and rational enough that they are willing to change their position when they are presented evidence against what they currently believe. So, yeah, democracy is doomed.

The days of me not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.

by bugman222 on Aug 1, 2016 | 10:39 PM up reply  rec  flag"

         

The above comment from bugman on Detroit Bad Boys is part of a thread where people are discussing democracy and the current election cycle.  As usual, DBB has many interesting things to say.  But bugman's comment really hit the mark for me in terms of what is wrong with our democracy.  It also opened up an idea that I wanted to address further.  That is the part about the populace needing to be "rational enough that they are willing to change their position when they are presented evidence against what they currently believe.  So, yeah, democracy is doomed."  Bugman is usually more optimistic than this, but I think he's right on point here.  We do have a problem.  People are not willing to change their positions any more, even in the face of overwhelming evidence. Why is this?  Are people less smart than they used to be?  Maybe, but I doubt that's the problem.  I think the problem is that they are more "dug-in" to their positions.  And what causes people to dig in to their positions is feeling vulnerable.  So, for example, Trump uses fear of immigrants, minorities, other religions, etc. to fuel people's insecurities. Those people feel the fear and respond by digging in to their positions, even though they have nothing to fear and their positions make no sense.  Trump keeps banging the fear drum, his followers stay afraid and entrenched.  And we've now arrived at bugman's comment: people unwilling to change their position.

So, in my opinion, the way to have a chance at getting through to those people is to help them feel secure.  If they were less afraid, they might be able to look more rationally at their opinions and make better decisions.  

Thanks to bugman for the inspiration and DBB for the conversation.

More about structures

When I started Emotion Colored Glasses, one of the main things I wanted to do was to write about what I call "emotional structures".  Structures are patterns through which we process emotion that are different from the normal, healthy way.  For example, if a person feels guilty for feeling happy, that's a structure.  Most people would just feel happy. Structures have a gigantic impact on how we live our lives, so I feel they're really important to discuss.  However, I've found that the easiest way to discuss them is with examples.  And of course, all my best examples come from myself, my family, or my friends.  "Hey!  This is what my friend does.  Isn't that stupid?"  It just doesn't work too well. So I've found myself gravitating toward easier to describe concepts.  But now I'm at the point where I realize it's time to figure it out, so here I am.  Please bear with me.

Everyone has structures.  It would be virtually impossible not to.  We pick them up from our experiences, our families, and our culture.  Most people think, "that's just the way I am".  And for many people, that's fine.  Their structures may not harm them enough to be problematic.  Great.  They can just keep on keepin' on.  But for others, these structures can really inhibit happiness.  The good news is that with hard work, these structures can be removed.  I've done it.  Many times.  And I've helped others do it too.  So I know it's possible.

The first step is to learn to see the structures.  My future posts on structures will largely be about recognizing them, so we'll deal with that later.  The second step is to deconstruct how the specific structure works.  The third step is to remove the structure by replacing the "incorrect" choice with a "correct" one.  And the final step is to repeat, repeat, repeat.

To take the example from above, if a person feels guilty for feeling happy, what's really going on?  Well, first off, something causes happiness.  But then something tells the person that she or he shouldn't feel happy.  What is it?  A religious belief?  That's pretty common.  Or maybe someone they care about has died, so that person can't be happy anymore, causing the first person to feel guilty.  I've heard of that sort of thing.  The point is, whatever the reason, the person has to decide if they want to believe that structure any more.  If they've got to the point of exploring it, they probably don't.  So that person needs to replace the problematic way of thinking with a healthier way.  "No.  It's not my fault my friend died.  If he were here, he'd want me to be happy.  Feeling guilty for being happy serves no one.  I will consciously fix this every time it happens."  At that point, it's all about increasing the person's awareness of when the structure is happening.  "Oh!  I'm feeling guilty for feeling happy again.  I figured this out.  I'm not going to think or feel this way any more."  With enough repetition, any structure can be defeated in this way.

So, from now on, I'll be writing about different structures I know about or come across, with the intent being to bring these structures into awareness for all of us.  I'll also try to link back to this post, so the deconstructing instructions will always be easily accessible. Hopefully, over time, we can all walk the path to emotional health by removing our unhealthy structures.  Good luck!