Quote:

"You have noticed that the truth comes into this world with two faces.  One is sad with suffering, and the other laughs; but it is the same face, laughing or weeping.  When people are already in despair, maybe the laughing face is better for them; and when they feel too good and are too sure of being safe, maybe the weeping face is better for them to see."  -Black Elk

Addiction

There may (or may not!) be people with addictions that are biological in nature.  For the purposes of this post, they will be set aside.  If they exist, their situations are far different than what I will be describing here.

It is my belief that most, if not all, addictions are behavioral in nature, not biological, as is commonly believed.  I say this because of my experiences in working with people with addictions (including myself) that have shown me that there are patterns of behavior that affect addiction.  These patterns come from behavioral choices.  They are not biologically pre-determined.  All of this leads me to the belief that addictions are all the same.  They substitute a behavior in place of emoting.  No matter what addiction you think of, if you consistently replace the addictive behavior with the expression of emotion, the addiction would slowly subside.  It might take years and tons of work, but it would eventually be effective.

So, why?  Why do people do all these destructive behaviors when they could just emote? The obvious answer is that emoting is looked down on in our culture.  People who cry are "wussies" (men) or "hysterical" (women).  

That leads to the next question, which is how?  The answer to that is, any time a person who feels a strong taboo against emoting encounters their emotions, they will look for something else to distract themselves.  So, if alcohol is close at hand and they're all emotional, but don't want to be, then they may decide a shot is easier to take than crying. Maybe the first time a shot is enough.  What happens the next time they have emotions? Well, that shot worked pretty well last time.  This time the emotions are worse (of course, because they didn't express them the last time), so how about two shots?  Three?  And if you're the type of person who's prone to the type of insight that would stop this process at three shots, then you probably wouldn't have taken the first shot in the first place.  So it's likely to just get worse from there.  And usually it does.

Substitute drugs, cigarettes, shopping, gambling, sex, shop-lifting, even healthy stuff like hiking or playing sports and you get the same situation, just a different behavior.  Some worse, some not as bad.  Either way, the only healthy answer is to figure out how to emote again instead of engaging in the addictive behavior.  Obviously, that is easier said than done, which is why so many people struggle with addiction.

One final point.  When you think about how difficult it would be for most people with addictions to find their way back to emoting, then you start to get a picture of how big our national (international?) problem is with emotions.  And that's why I'm writing.  Thanks for reading.

E-mail

Because people are having a hard time with posting comments, I've added my e-mail address to my profile on the right side of the page and I'll also give it here: merwinly@gmail.com

If you'd like to say anything to me, feel free to use that address.  I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Thanks.

External Emotional Supports

Our quest for emotional health takes huge amounts of time and energy.  For that reason, we need anything we can get that makes it easier.  External emotional supports fulfill that need.

External emotional supports are a mandatory part of a healthy emotional system.  They are things, people, situations, etc. that support a person by allowing them to not have to be completely responsible for every portion of their life.  For example, you have a caveman, living outside, naked and alone.  If you give him a pair of pants, he no longer has to worry about protecting his nether regions.  He doesn't have to worry about keeping warm.  He will now have a pocket in which to place objects.  On and on and on.  All these things the pants now do for him.  In the same way in modern life, money is a great external support.  If you have lots of money, there's all sorts of stuff you don't have to worry about any more.  If you take the time and energy that the money is saving you and spend it on your emotional health, then that money is functioning as an external emotional support for you.  But it's key to use the support in a way that helps you create and maintain positive emotional health.  That's one of the reasons that people say "money doesn't buy happiness" and I always say, "it would for me".  Many people would just buy jet-skis and be broke in a few years.  But because I understand the importance of external emotional supports, I would use the money in a way that would cause my family and I to be supported.

It's important to recognize that external emotional supports come in an infinite array of forms.  Money is just an obvious one.  A less obvious example is that we moved into our home over a year ago.  This home is smaller than the last one we lived in.  For that reason, we have more things than easily fit into this house.  So there's stuff everywhere while we're figuring out where to put it all.  I've found that it makes me feel overwhelmed. I constantly feel beset by things.  Every time I put up a shelf, it gives me an organized place to put more of our stuff.  It makes me feel great!  Those shelves are external emotional supports because they remove responsibility from me and that allows me more time and space to deal with my emotions.  I love external emotional supports because once they are in place, they can just continue to function without maintenance for ever in some cases.  To me, that's of primary importance in my fight for emotional health.

Societal Impact

I've written a decent amount about how emotions affect our every day lives and I'll continue to do so.  But there's a different aspect of emotional health that's also of interest: The societal impact of emotional health/un-health.  

Emotions affect society in many ways.  I'll write plenty of future posts about specific ways that this happens.  But to give an example, I'll highlight Type 2 Diabetes.  Diabetes is becoming a global health epidemic.  It will cost untold bazillions of dollars in healthcare costs.  Many/most(?) of the cases come from people being over weight.  They are over weight because they eat instead of processing their emotions in healthy ways.  Teach people to process their emotions properly and they'll stop emotional eating, stop gaining weight, stop getting Diabetes, and stop costing society all that money.  This is just one example of the impact that healthy emotions could play on our society.

Quote:

"The more we live by our intellect, the less we understand the meaning of life."                  -Leo Tolstoy

My Emotions

I'm sorry I haven't posted as much just lately.  I was sick, but also more than that. 

The past few years have been a time of transition in my life.  That transition stripped me of most of my external supports (about which a post will come soon).  So, over the past couple of years, I've had only sporadic connection with my emotions.  And not enough to stay emotionally healthy.  I repressed a whole lot more emotion than was healthy, because I had no other outlet.  Over the past few months, life has started to support me a little better.  This is a wonderful development.  But as I've felt a little more supported, more of the repressed emotion of the last two or three years has started to come up.  Which, actually is also good.  But exhausting and time consuming.  So, I'm dealing with all of the emotion that I'm also trying to write about here.  Sometimes my writing will need to come second to my emoting.  But I promise to keep writing.  And I'm excited to start writing about the impact of emotions at a cultural level, rather than just a personal level.  That should be soon.  Keep checking back.  Thank you.

Sick!  Back soon.

Depression

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."    -Voltaire

The absurdity that we've come to believe is that emoting is bad.  The atrocity we're committing is repression.  The outcome is a whole society that is depressed. 

Emoting is bad.  Is the belief in this absurdity something I really need to explain?  I see very few places in the culture that value healthy emotional expression.  "Men don't cry." Women are "hysterical".  I'm sure we could all go on and on.

Repression is the act of denying your emotions.  Pressing them down, refusing to express them.  If you aren't willing to express your emotions, there aren't too many options left for you other than repression.  Every one of us repress at least some of our emotions every day.

Too much repression leads to a build up of emotional energy.  If that energy isn't released, it can and will turn inward, creating depression.

To recap:  We (Humans?  Westerners?  Americans?) believe emoting is bad.  So we repress our emotions.  Those emotions turn inward and cause depression frequently enough that a large segment of our society is depressed.  

And guess what?  A huge percentage of those who "aren't" depressed, are really just too walled from their feelings to know that they are depressed.  We're creating a world full of people who have no internal health, just by believing the lie that emotions are our enemy.

How do we fight all of this?  Learn to be comfortable with your emotions.  Let someone see you yell or cry.  Hell, just smile at people.  Every bit of emotional life that can be valued creates an environment supportive of emotional health.  If enough of us do it, maybe we can create a place for our children that values every part of us, not just our brains or our bodies.

Unprocessed Emotion

Ever have racing thoughts when you're trying to go to sleep?  That's likely because you're trapped in your head.  If you can bring your awareness down to the level of your emotion, you may be able to release whatever energy is stuck there by emoting.  Once that energy is gone, you'll be able to sleep. 

Note:

I added some features on the right.  Check them out.  And always remember:  It is incredibly important to vote in polls.  Incredibly.  Don't forget.

Know a Perfectionist?

Of course you do.  It's more likely that you'd have a hard time naming someone who is not a perfectionist.  They're everywhere.  And like the rest of us, they got issues. Perfectionism is an emotional structure.  It places the idea of accomplishing something in front of the person's other needs.  Including emotional needs.  Therefore, seeking perfection is anti-emotional health.

A healthy antidote to perfectionism is compassion.  Compassion is feeling another person's suffering and having a desire to alleviate it.  But compassion can also be directed at oneself.  A person caught in the perfectionism structure is essentially saying to themselves, "getting this done just right is more important than any other needs I may have."  By embracing compassion, a person can instead recognize when their other needs are more important than perfecting something to the nth degree. They can say, "I've done a fine job with this.  I think it's time to be finished and go spend some time for me."  It helps us prioritize our life in a more healthy way.  

Some of you are probably saying, "but, but, perfectionism is good!  It's how I get ahead in life!  It's what makes me, me!"  To that I would say, life is not always about achieving peak emotional health any more than it is always about achieving peak physical health.  Have you never eaten a cheeseburger?  An ice cream cone?  Of course you have.  It wasn't good for your physical health, but I'm guessing you wouldn't change the behavior.  Well, it's the same for perfectionism.  There's a time and a place for everything.  If we choose to do something unhealthy for a specific reason, we do so with awareness.  And that awareness is what keeps an occasional unhealthy action from becoming a habit.  So, perfect away!  But try not to let it become a habit.

Quote:

"There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique.  And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.  The world will not have it.  It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions.  It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.  You do not have to believe in yourself or your work.  You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you.  Keep the channel open." -Martha Graham

This is one of my favorite quotes.  Martha Graham was a modern dancer and she was probably speaking of dance specifically, and certainly of creativity, but it applies just as well to emotional expression.  And to a way of being.  I spent my early years with the channel closed.  As an adult, I'm trying to "keep the channel open" in every way possible.

Note:

While reviewing my settings, I realized I could make it easier for people to comment here by allowing people to comment without signing in.  I made the change and will leave it that way as long as I don't have reason to change it.  Hopefully, the change will lead to a more positive experience for everyone.  Let me know if it works.  Thanks.

More Emotional Porn

Another way that some people process their emotions is by creating drama through the comment sections on internet articles.  They say mean and nasty things, people respond in kind, they have a heated argument, they sit behind their keyboards feeling justified in their positions, and nothing effective happens, except that they release their emotions. Apparently, it "works" for them.  Unfortunately, they become addicted to it and go further away from a place of healthy expression.  On top of all of that, they create an impression that the world is absolutely filled with completely broken people.  How often do you read the comment section of an internet article and come away feeling good about the world? If your answer is anything other than "very rarely", then I must be doing something wrong. It's generally a bad experience.

With that in mind, something I'm going to do is start leaving positive comments in on-line articles.  I intend to start with M-Live, because they have a section that is dedicated to the Muskegon area, and also because there are a lot of really broken people who comment there.  Feel free to join me.  I think it would be wonderful to have a bunch of people post positive statements in the comments and refuse to be pulled into arguments.  Maybe over time we could start to make the world feel a little less broken.

M-Live Muskegon:  http://www.mlive.com/muskegon/

My first comment: http://www.mlive.com/opinion/muskegon/index.ssf/2016/01/susan_harrison_wolffis_116.html#incart_river_home

My second comment: http://www.mlive.com/opinion/muskegon/index.ssf/2016/01/clayton_hardiman_feeling_grati.html#incart_river_home

Join me!